Thursday, June 23, 2005
I WATCHED EXORCIST YESTERDAY!!!!
Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading yesterday?
Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading and watched yesterday?
Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading and watched and wanted to blog about yesterday?
Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading and watched and wanted to blog about and could not because of my upcoming examinations yesterday?
Holy cow, did I mention to you about The Exorcist, which I happened to finish downloading and watched and wanted to blog about and could not because of my upcoming examinations and that they constitute 20% of my promos yesterday?
Obviously I didn't, thats why I'm here now, to tell you all about it.
But wait, Ivan isn't the kind who likes to be a spoiler-type for this kinda movies. I really hate to take away all the shock, excitement, awe, screams from you, you know. That's why I'm not gonna reveal anything about The Exorcist, because if I do, you will not be shocked, excited, awed, and most importantly, you won't scream like a puny little tortured monkey, like my little brother did.
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Now this movie is about an old man, who likes to dig stuff out from the face of earth. I call him a professional Nose Picker, because he's really good with picks and all, but I'm not sure why everyone claims his occupation starts with A, not N (Nose Picker). Actually, that's not the case, I was just lazy to find out how to spell 'archaeologist' and attempted to cock up some story. Anyhow I decided to check up google for the answer.
ANYHOW...
This old man found some demonic stone crap which God knows what the hell it is, but I presume it possesses some demonic power which can zap the living shit out of anybody alive. I thought it looked like the necklace my Literature Teacher, Mrs Sng liked to wear. Orrr Horrrr..., shes SATANIC!!!!
ANYHOW x2...
This old man and his son spoke to each other in a God knows what the hell the language is and then kaaaaabooooooom. Scene changes into some utter bullshit, and we see an actress, who is the least hot, maybe she was to the people of the 70s. I mean really, she wasn't hot AT ALL to me, really.
Here she is:
OH PLEASE..... Give me a break, I mean... Oh please... I look so much hotter, dontcha you all agree?
ANYHOW x3...
This actress has a daughter, and she's really rich mind you. And apparently, her daughter became possessed by the demon. I'm not sure how really, all I knew was that she pee-d on her pants while walking downstairs during a party her mother had, and she uttered some rude words blar blar. And from then onwards, she underwent a major transformation, or should I say:
Because she, transformed from this:
To this...
Ignore the God-Damned message, its the freakiest picture I could find so pardon the crap shit.
Oh yeah, she is some kinda porn star now I believe. You heard me right, she's a PORN STAR! I found some indecent pictures of her while finding decent pictures for my decent blog entry! Click here for more, but don't forget to come back after getting too engrossed with her boobs.
ANYHOW x4...
That's what she gradually became when she was possessed. It was awfully disturbing really, and I would not reccommend this film to people with feeble, weak minds. If you have trouble sleeping after watching reaaaaaally scary movies like GhostBusters, Harry Potter, Beauty and the Beast etc, I would strongly discourage you to watch this. Reaaaaaally!!
ANYHOW x5...
There was nothing MaMa could do about the possession because they all thought it was some mental disorder. The Siao Doctors, as in Doctors for the Mentally Ill & Disturbed could not do anything!!! OH MAH GAWD THEY SUCK! They really do! But you should really watch how they went about conducting checks on the daughter to examine her how those electrical impulses thingies were functioning in her brain. They did things like poking a hole right inside HER FUCKING NECK when she was FULLY AWAKE and then doing some Zaaaaaaaaaaaap thingie to her, and more more more more stuff. But still, poor little daughter got WORSE, never better!
ANYHOW x6...
Doctors finally gave up. They really have no eye deers on what to do. Really. Till they were holding a meeting where they suggested to the hawt actress that her daughter MIGHT be possessed. Hell, she WAS possessed, not MIGHT. >>>WAS<<<
And they reccommended that she looked for an exorcist!
So she looked for an exorcist!
And she found an exorcist!
BUT THE EXORCIST WASN'T AN EXORCIST!
ORZ
He was just an ex-boxer who held qualifications in Psychology, and yeah he speaks Latin too. What a fucking joke.
ANYHOW x7...
Because exorcism has not been carried out since the medieval times,
Because exorcism ceased to exist with revolutions in science and technology,
Because exorcism was gradually overplayed by advanced medicine theories that classified erratic mental disorder with that of a psychological or genetic disorder,
And most importantly,
Because Ivan has not much recollection for such technical bullshit, and that he is an Arty-farty Arts student whether you like it/believe it or not, he's gonna tell you that that's just about all he can remember.
Right...
ANYHOW x7...
Because of those factors, Father Whateverthehellhisnamewas had to get a permit from the Church to execute a proper exorcism. He was reluctant at first, but the actress begged, cried, and all. Maybe slept too I'm not too sure about that. Seriously, I was expecting to see the real Pope's face and him signing some documents, but nope, I only saw some old geezers talking and kaboooom! It's approved.
The route to approval, which constituted mainly of evidence gathering of the symptoms which suggests and convince the panel of high ranking Church Officers that the little girl is indeed possessed by the Demon himself. This route was really interesting, you get to see many mainstream implications of Satanism, such as backmasking, explicit behaviour upon exposure to Holy Water etc.
ANYHOW x8...
The exorcism was approved, and the old man nose picker was actually asked to accompany the Father to carry it out! Hell yeah! He became a Father too how cool's that? They managed to do it in the end, but both died. Old man died because he was too weak to do it alone and younger Father was downstairs resting.
Younger Father died because he whacked the little girl and demanded the Demon to possess him instead, and when the Demon finally did, younger Father jumped out of the window, and died. Sad, but true.
MORAL OF THE STORY
No really, the actualy exorcism didn't work at all. Whacking did.
So next time, all those Tiao Dang (people in trance) and all these so called exorcists are real flukes. Sad, but true.
posted@7:55 PM